One more reason to buy a sidecar for the Vespa

Well… apparently even those who actually liked my LA driving etiquette post are sick of reading it (i.e., my Mom) and begging for something new. Boy are they (she) going to be sorely disappointed.

It has come to my attention that I complain too much on this blog, and so today I am going to shake things up a bit by posting about something I actually L-O-V-E love.


Baby Pandas.

Sure, the technical name is “panda cubs,” but, as with most things, I have adopted my own terminology and “baby pandas” it is. We’ve got a weird thing going, the baby pandas and me—people who know me pretty well are probably surprised to learn I have such an affinity for them, whereas people who know me really, really well, like on a familial level, are like “Ew, she never shuts up about them! It’s just weird! Kind of like those 12-year-old girls who have 500 horse figurines lining the walls of their bedrooms!” Whatever, neigh-sayers (heh). In an attempt to curb my curmudgeonly blogger reputation, I am officially dragging my adoration of all things baby panda out of the closet.

So this recent earthquake in China is absolutely devastating and, like most people, I am overwhelmed by the human loss and suffering that it has caused. And so I don’t want to sound glib when I admit I was still a little happy to hear that Chinese officials confirmed that the pandas at the world’s two largest panda reserves (Wolong and Chengdu) survived the quake. This isn’t as trivial as you might think. As any baby panda lover knows, China owns all the world’s pandas, loaning very few out to zoos in other countries. Propagation of this highly-endangered species completely depends on these reserves, which include breeding centers and a daycare facility where several dozen baby pandas are raised each year.

About a year ago, I read this very reputable news article about how tourists to Wolong can pay $130 to play with the baby pandas for a few minutes. Since then, I have always planned on doing just that once I experience some sort of financial windfall giving me sufficient spending money and free time to act like a rich idiot. It’s nice to know I might still have the opportunity.

And now, in the off-chance that any biological engineers are regular readers of this blog, I will make yet another public plea for the miniaturization of the Giant Panda. We’ve all seen miniature ponies, miniature Collies, and those ridiculous “teacup” dogs that shady people are always selling as if they were counterfeit DVDs—so we know the technology exists and don’t even bother pretending that it doesn’t. Why then can’t you miniaturize the Giant Panda so that it never grows bigger than, say, an English Bulldog? Since pandas are vegetarians and have successfully interacted with humans in captivity, they are ripe for domestication. The only problem is that adult pandas are, well, giant, and the amount of bamboo they consume presents both financial and practical concerns for the average pet owner. If we had miniature pandas, not only could we afford to feed and house them, but we could put rhinestone-studded leashes on them and take them shopping at all the LA hotspots that now apparently permit pets on the premises.

But please don’t let Paris Hilton have one.

And, no, I’m not expecting any comments to this post, so don’t feel bad when I don’t get any.