12.15.2007

And then I'll buy a house there like Diane Lane did


So this is a picture of me and some of the members of my scooter gang cruising through Napa Valley last weekend. Too bad you weren’t there—it was a madcap good time, especially that one part where Squiggy bet Fat Max that he couldn’t pop a wheelie while balancing a plate of baked brie and apples on the, uh...

Okay, so it’s not. The scooter gang remains a mere pipedream, although I think the “homeless” woman working the corner of Sepulveda and Wilshire this afternoon was ready to join. When I got stopped at her intersection today, she was really chatting me up about the scooter. She knew her stuff, too; the way she was talking, I’m pretty sure she has a couple of dirt bikes and some ATVs back at her 5-acre ranch in San Bernadino. You should have seen her shudder when an actual homeless man (i.e., no teeth, talking to himself, dragging two baby strollers full of crap around) crossed her path. By the way, the light at Sepulveda and Wilshire takes forever to change if you’re headed north on Sepulveda.

Back to the picture, I'm not in it and I don’t even know any of these people. And they aren’t in Napa Valley, they’re in TUSCANY. As in Italy. As in, they took the Scooter Bella Tuscany by Vespa tour. That’s right—we can take a tour of the Italian countryside by Vespa, and knowing that, why wouldn’t we?! Has anyone out there in the whole world wide web actually been on this? Some of us would appreciate your input before we carelessly quit our jobs and dump our life’s savings into this trip.

In addition to their gracing us with the greatest idea on earth, I am also grateful to the Scooter Bella folks for boosting my fragile ego with their fine print. You see, after a lot of advertising razzle-dazzle about how fun and easy the Vespas are to ride, their website cautions that you should only sign up “if you are a good driver, athletic and coordinated, and you are used to riding a bicycle.” Some other favorite lines:

  • You must be able to control the Vespa and drive it competently. If we feel your driving skills put you and others at risk we reserve the right to take the Vespa away from you.


  • [W]e are amazed that some people sign up for a trip of this type with no experience and poor coordination or athletic ability, and then expect to drive a motorized vehicle on public roads in a foreign country. Please do not be one of these people.

I really appreciate their constant comparison of scootering ability to athleticism. More specifically, I really appreciate it today, where for some reason I have been completely worn out by a little furniture refinishing and Christmas shopping. Furniture refinishing and shopping are two of my favorite activities and I have been doing both my entire life (much to Dave and Mary’s chagrin)—so the fact that I am so unexpectedly exhausted thereby has made me worry that I am either getting (a) old, (b) out of shape, or (c) both of the above, each of which is exacerbating the other. Yet I did ride the Vespa for about 30 minutes today without even breaking a sweat, so the answer MUST be (d) none of the above, right?

Who’s up for the Tuscany tour?

9 comments:

steph said...

i'm so there... except that i lack coordination and athleticism, so maybe i'd be better off as a passenger.

sara said...

I was pretty sure the photo was a fake, with some kind of matte painting backdrop. But Tuscany, you say? Hmm, it's tempting...

If the athleticism and coordination required to drive a Vespa is anything like the athleticism and coordination required to a) take tap 101 at BYU, b) complete modern Kenpo karate without your college drop-out sparring partner, or c) pom dance to Blue Monday, then I'd say Ginny is over-qualified.

Angy said...

oooo tuscany! now that would be an amazing trip!! i think my lack of driving ability and coordination would get me kicked off the trip but i'm with steph... i'll gladly be a passenger! :)

P Daddy said...

Okay, now that I know the level of athleticism required to scooter, even in what would seem to be the friendlier roads of Tuscany, I want mandatory drug testing imposed on the scooter gang. If the temptation to use performance enhancing drugs is so overwhelming in simple sports like baseball, cycling, and track and field, image the 'roid regime most scooterers must be on to participate in such a physically demanding activity. I have much higher respect now for those clowns on the minibikes at the circus--must be what one graduates to when Cirque du Soleil is no longer challenging.

Kate said...

I'm still laughing at Sara's comment. I totally forgot what I was going to say.

ginny said...

Okay, generally I try not to respond to particular comments because I don't want the other commentators to feel as though their comments aren't equally appreciated, but sara's is begging for a response.

Seriously, I dare anyone to come up with a better Tap 101 final than the doubles routine sara and I choreographed in the late 90s. Let's just say it involved matching tough-chick outfits (I would describe them, but now they're dated. trust me, they were cool then) and was accompanied by No Doubt's "Let's Get Back" (i.e., from the first album, before they were big). At the final, after the five hundreth MDT major in a row got up and tapped to "Good Ship Lollipop," sara and I took the floor and performed our daringly different number. Everyone looked shocked. A few looked like they were going to make a pit stop at the honor code office on the way back to their Heritage Halls dorm rooms and anonymously report us for playing "rock" music on campus. But, as I remember, our miniature Cougarette teacher loved it.

As for karate, the worst part was my replacement sparring partner--that guy who was in our freshman ward and supposedly in a band, but was annoying all the same as he insisted on calling me Daniel-san the whole time. Ergh. Fortunately, the class provided ample opportunity to kick him where it hurt and then blame the "miss" on my short legs.

Ah, blue monday and a blue rick-rack-laden pom skirt from 1952. Good times.

Mary said...

You can respond to any comment you like as long as it means we get a "Post Sequel" every time.

And I know how tough you are. I gave birth to you ... remember?

Anonymous said...

UM.
HOW did i go through one million (three?) years of law school with you and hear about your difficulties in tap 101 due to an untimely surfacing of vertigo, but NOT hear about a completely original pre-L.A.M.B. no doubt music'd tap de deux routine??? i lament that yours, and sara's, for that matter, time as byu undergrads did not coincide with camera phones. the two of you better start practicing because at the first "_____ comes out of hermitage for one night only" annual talent show, y'all are going to be the closing act.

for you, and all who read to the end of the comments sections, a very special los angeles article from the new york times: http://themoment.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/12/21/for-the-moment-yearn-hollywood-yearn/#more-134

from the rest of us, happy festivus

Anonymous said...

oops, if you double click on the link and copy/paste, it will show up in its entirety in the address bar.