If you are one of the many blogsnobs who disagree with that statement, you should probably stop reading here.
Things that have been going on lately:
Life as usual. Meh.
Politics. Have you heard there is an election coming up? Well, not for me as I already voted by mail weeks ago. Yet the fact that my vote is “spent” has not stopped the entire universe from perpetually pestering me for my vote and/or my assistance in pestering others for their vote. Never before has the phrase “I’m over it” rang more true. That said, I am grateful to Governor Palin for providing an easy Halloween costume this year. Despite our difference of opinion on many issues, we apparently share a love of ¾-sleeved business suits, peep-toed heels, pearls, and mid-length brown hair. I’ll pretty much be able to go to any Halloween festivities straight from work without doing anything other than teasing my half-do and switching my regular glasses for a rimless pair I bought online for $14. Ooh-I hope they come in the mail today.
The McDonald’s Monopoly Game. Unfortunately, I have been plagued by a lifelong gambling addiction. Fortunately, my strict religious beliefs frown on gambling and have therefore prevented said addiction from getting me into any major trouble. Unfortunately, commercial sweepstakes have never really been characterized as “gambling” when, in reality, they kind of are (I mean, you pay in with the hope of getting an even bigger payout despite strong odds against you). Thus, twice a year I consume 4000% more McDonald’s food than normal in a foolish attempt to secure the winning Monopoly game pieces. Anyone need an Oriental Avenue? I’ve got about 400 hundred of them. Also, I thought we weren’t supposed to say “Oriental” anymore. “The Orient” is a proper noun/place, while “Asian” is an adjective, right? Hey, if you’re of the Asian persuasion, why don’t you contact me and we’ll file some sort of lawsuit against McDs and Parker Bros., insisting they change it to “Asian Avenue” and also that they give us, say, $10 million for our trouble. It’s probably a surer payout than playing the dumb game and considerably less fattening. Cause did I mention that I am dressing as chubby Gov. Palin for Halloween this year? I would sue McDs for making me fat, but I hear that’s been done.
My new career as a multi-sport athlete. In addition to compulsive gambling, I have been beleaguered by a lifetime of taking a joke too far. Like, I’ll say I’m doing something silly or outrageous just to get a laugh out of people, but then when they respond exactly as I expected them to—i.e., by saying something along the lines of “How hilarious,” or “You will not,”—I get all huffy and belligerent and “I’ll show them!” And then I do it. Maybe not well, but I do it. The thing I was only kidding about doing. Even if it takes years and changes the course of my entire life. Like that one time when I joked about going to law school.
So remember how after the Olympics I joked about winning a gold medal in archery in 2012? Well, guess who’s been going to archery practice two times a week for the past month and a half? Guess who spent her birthday money on a leather quiver and an armguard and a finger tab? Guess whose left arm is covered in bruises because said armguard does not cover her hyper-extended elbow? Guess who was talking to a “traditional” archer at the “range” the other day when he compared the rules of his “trad club” to those used at “Ren Fairs”?
In case you’re really dense, it’s ME. And I have to admit that, after that last scenario, I seriously questioned the specific course of life events that led to the moment when slang such as “Ren Fairs” was being thrown around in my presence. (FYI, I have no interest Robin Hood type archery or bow hunting or attending said fairs or even faires). But aside from that, it has been a ton of fun and I’ve actually seen some real improvement.
But then I worried that “just archery” wasn’t athletic enough. After all, it's not the most cardiovascular of sports. (Have you seen all those heavyweights at the Ren Fairs?) So I decided to start training for a (distant future) marathon, too. There has been improvement in this area as well, but it has been a lot slower and a LOT less fun to come by. I still love my Nike+ gear, though.
So, what with all the living and politicking and McDonald’s eating and Asian client courting and target shooting and running till I nearly kill myself with the accompanying huffing and puffing, guess who has had absolutely no time for blogging?
(Duh, it’s still ME. In case you haven't caught on yet, this blog is kinda all about ME.)
Illustration I-A
12 comments:
Don't worry, I know you well enough to believe it all. And I'm actually still weirder than you, because I LOVE bruises. And the one you have is causing a lot of envy. Bruises are cool. So is $10 million.
Great blog, though, unlike most others, I was already in on most of these happenings. Great picture and even better captions.
And now I have added Meh to my vocabulary, know that Ren is short for Renaissance, and better understand exactly what I am doing wrong when I still refer to food or people as Oriental rather than Asian--though I think the issue was that Orient and Oriental were Eurocentric and thus demeaning.
If the Marathon is too tough, there's always archery biathalon (archery and cross country skiing with pop up targets).
I was tempted to go to McD's and there isn't even an item with game pieces I can eat anymore and I didn't care. I'll let you know if I get Boardwalk, Pennsylvania, or Ventnor.
Your posts are worth waiting for.
How lovely to hear from you! Oriental's still okay for rugs isn't it? I will not be surprised when the gold medal is hanging around your neck because I don't think you have ever tried something that you haven't been really, really good at. You know, like gargling the Sesame Street theme song on the air to win free concert tickets. (Yep, I will keep bringing up random college memories forevermore.)
As your mother, I am going to have to INSIST that you post pictures of you in your Halloween costume.
I bought you that quiver so don't argue with me, Missy.
I'm so glad you posted again. I'm for quality over quantity any day. Also, I must confess that although it is really against conventional wisdom and contrary to my own better nature, I love McDonald's food. Especially the fries... Monopoly or no.
im with your mom... pictures are a must of said costume!
im also with your sis... that bruise is awesome. i like pushing on them :P lol
Love the pictures and captions. I'm with Mrs. Dub...I'm insanely jealous of that bruise! I LOVE bruises! And I've been cursed with a bruiseless body. Sad, I know. If someone wanted to strangle me to death I bet they could do it and get away with it because I wouldn't have those finger marks around my neck (I've been watching too much Snapped lately apparently). I can't wait for 2012 when I can say...I am SUCH good friends with the Archery Gold Metalist...isn't she cute? She's been to my house.
so great to get the update. We were thinking of having Cheyn dress up as palin out here and I would dress up as a hockey mom, or a pitbull.
Archery. how cool are you.
k, you know what's weird? i have this random memory stuck in my head of you playing McD's monopoly when we were at BYU, and when I was there this week and got my medium dr. pepper and peeled my stickers off, i totally thought of You.
I am proud of you for trying new things but not too proud of your future stint in Gambling Anon . Maybe Dr. Drew can help. I am shooting to do the Malibu TRiathalon next Sept. despite my hatred of running, mediocre swimming skills and that I dont even own a bike. Good to hear from you- it's been too long ! Say hey to Budge for me and give her a big wet lickery kiss - and give one to yerself while yer' at it!
Went to McDonalds twice for you this week. Even bought chicken sandwiches instead of strips (threw away the pickles and buns and asked for dipping sauce) and got a medium drink (even though I can only drink 1/2 cup of liquid with a meal) just so I would get Monopoly pieces. But they were all the usuals--Park Place, North Carolina, St. James, Reading RR. But now I have 10-25% discounts on my next 6 purchases at Foot Locker--too bad I don't need any running shoes.
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